The Reader's Digest Version

It's kind of a long story but Nat has been giving everyone a whole lot of grief over Kindergarten.  She's doing great academically but has been really and truly naughty since the 2nd week of school.  I've had a few very embarrasing exhanges with her teacher (who is very nice) and more conversations with Natalie then I care to recount over how we expect her to behave.  Her teacher told us that she sees this every year with a few kids; those who are both very smart, and very strong willed.  Then she mentioned the bad news...that we could expect 4-6w of nonsense before she decided she was ready to comply.  I was pleased to note that her teacher had her pinned.  Nat is the type of kid who has already decided to accept the consequence prior to acting out her bad behavior so when you punish her she has already determined that she doesn't really care.  It's frustrating beyond imagination...but the fact that her teacher had already figured this out about her was helpful.  Also, while I think her teacher's aide does not like Nat I believe that her teacher does.  So, that's good too.

Anyway, now that you have that snippet of background info I'll get to the point.  I have been searching high & low for some new thing that will help guide me thru this time period.  I've signed up for this and that and bought a book or 2 and blah blah blah.  I'm sure most of you parents with "spicy" kids know this drill...  As part of this quest I signed up for an online email called THE DAILY GROOVE.  As with most things I find it to be only partially helpful. 

This one showed up yesterday and I was reading thinking it was hokey and then got to the last paragraph which gave me an intense feeling of peace.  I've made the part I love bold.  Thought I'd share.

:: Implicit Validation ::



Much is said about the importance of *validating*
children's feelings -- telling children that it's okay
to feel how they feel.

What's rarely acknowledged is that children innately
*know* their feelings *are* valid, so they don't need
validation unless they've been previously INvalidated.

When the child's inherent sense of worthiness is
intact, the real beneficiary of explicit validating is
the parent whose feelings were invalidated in
childhood.

Children derive greater benefit from *implicit*
validation, which is most powerfully expressed when we
are willing to be fully present with them as they move
through their emotions.


No words are needed to validate implicitly. You never
say, "It's okay to be happy," you just *know* it's
okay. So why say, "It's okay to be sad/mad/etc," if
so-called "negative" emotions are just as valid as the
"positive" ones?


You'll find it easier to stay present if you hold this
thought: Children who have strong feelings are blessed
with strong Inner Guidance.